Man vs. Moth Part 4: Moth Under Fire

Too often this issue comes to pass. War. Its not something that should be taken lightly. Its very much like a game of chess. Each side painstakingly choosing their next move hoping they've seen further ahead than the enemy. Both hoping that the other side has no secret move that could spell disaster for them. Unlike assassiantion attemps, these are just manouvers that weren't expected, or just a failure to notice what was happening. A good example currently is running into children who are armed. Now I know that most kids have arms... I however, am not talking about the cute chubby finger laden arms rich with sticky candy goo. We're talking kids with AK47's here folks. This was an unexpected tactic. Much like the unexpected tactic I was introduced to not to long ago... Although this tactic by the moth didn't include children with guns, it was equally, or had the potential to be just as viscious. It was quite unexpected... This is my story...

The sun was high in the mid afternoon sky. It was heavy with heat and it bore me no mercy. The air was thick, hard to breath and I found myself gasping a little as I stood outside my barracks in quiet wonder. Beads of sweat ran down my bald white scalp and into my eyes. It stung. "Damnit" I think to myself. But I shrug it off as nothing more than a small annoyance.

Deciding its too hot and dangerous outside, I enter the barracks in the hopes of lowering my body temperature to an acceptable level. I enter the living chamber to find its not much better than it was outside. I tear off my shirt to reveal a pasty white upper body that can only be described as breathtaking. Perhaps more due to the fact that its large and white. But not just regular white. White like the underbelly of a beached whale... Almost like its never been touched by the warm rays of the sun... It appears that the "shirtless wonder" strikes again... I walk over to the measly cooling device, turn it on, and stand in front of it. Five minutes pass before I decide that I've been adequately cooled.

As I stand there, shirtless and now adequately cooled, I come to the realization that I'm the only one in the barracks. Its an odd feeling to be alone in a large barracks. Its like your being watched by something, but nothing at all... I reasure myself by thinking that my comrads are off fighting some battle of their own. They do well in their own endeavors. And I praise God everytime they make it back safe, for it gives me hope that soon my own battle will be over. Hope that it will not only be over, but that I shall stand victorious over my enemy.

Loosing track of time thinking of wars fought, I suddenly am pelted with a vorascious hunger. A hunger so extreme it was as if my stomach was trying to move up and digest my throat! I knew I had to take care of it fast or else I'd face.... What the hell would I face? I really don't know what I'd have to face other than being hungry.... Who am I kidding really? I just needed material for the story.... But I digress...

I open and peer into the vastness of the empty food dispension unit. "Shit!" I mutter in complete anguish. "I should have went to the market down the way when I had the chance." Sadly though, I had spent the last of my Dong's (Look it up you filthy minded bastards! Its the currency with VND symbol) at last weeks cock fights. I came home empty handed. Nothing left in my pockets except for what seemed like infinite space for grenades, bullets and the like. I had nothing.

My need for food was growing ever stronger with each moment wasted and I was fading fast. Just then I realized that in the dank underbelly of the barracks there was a freezing unit and it might just carry something edible! Excited as to what I might find, as I hadn't been below for many months, I opened and jumped through the hatch in the floor leading down. Normally I'd grab hold of the climbing device and move slowly, but hunger drove me to move with haste. "No need for climbing devices when time is of the essence!" I thinkto myself... I click on the lighting device and make way to the freezing unit with much haste and vigor. Usually there would be need to stop and vanquish a spider, moth or some other equally insolent creature. However, this day was different. Worried not by spiders or moths, my only goal was to obliterate my vorascious hunger.

As I opened the freezing unit my eyes and stomach were calmed as I caught sight of a stack of all Candian Buffalo burger patties. "YES!!" I yelled in extreme delight. "Today I shall dine on the finest type of ground flesh!" Not only is it a leaner meat than beef, its more hearty and flavorful! Suddenly I realize that I've been talking to myself. "It must be the hunger doing it..." I say aloud. The silence was deafening, and anything to break it was welcome, even if it was my own voice. I had grown weary of quiet, especially after being through years of war. Noise however, brought a certain comfort...

Climbing up the hatch to the main floor of the living barracks I decide the best way too cook the finest of all the ground flesh is with the propane combustion engine outside. I open the door to the sweltering heat once again and exit the barracks. "Damn its hot" I say to myself. Almost a forgotten memory, the sun, ever present pelts my pasty white skin. Until moments earlier I was adequately cooled, but now, again outside, I can almost feel my skin sizzle. This time there is reason to be outside. I was about to take part in a feast and nothing, not even the sweltering heat could stop me.

I step over to the propane combustion engine and opened the lid. "I can't wait" I say in hungry anticipation. I bend down and turn on the valve. As I stand up, I press the two ignition buttons and a flurry of flames bursts out. "AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGHH" I cry in horror as not one, but two moths burst out of the propane combustion engine. They came at me like two little space shuttles, complete with afterburn. I had never seen such a sight! After the quick initial shock of the situation faded I promptly regained my focus. "DIE BASTARDS!!!" I yelled and swatted my hand at them both in warrior like fashion. Almost as if I had been helped by the hand of God, I was able to hit them both with one powerful shot. Both of the furry little bastards just got sent into their firey graves. Like God banishing evil, I damned them both to eternal torment. I could almost hear them scream for mercy as I shut the lid on them, never to escape... I shall show them no mercy, as they have shown none to me...

The neighbor folk rushed out of their barracks and asked curiously as to why I just yelled out like I did. "Just cookin'. Nothing to see here. Go about your business." Wearilly they move back into their own barracks...

There I stood in the merciless heat. Pasty, sweating and bewildered. "How could I have not seen it? I never thought they'd stoop to sending two after me. Perhaps they thought I was weak?" If they did underestimate me, they now know what I'm capable of. It all made sense now. No fight for what seemed like weeks. No ambush in the underbelly of the barracks... My hunger had blinded my senses and I had not foresaw what I should have...

Now, just myself and the propane combustion engine. The moths rendered to nothing more than a tiny pile of dust, I go about my cooking. "Another day, another battle" I mutter to myself as I throw the burgers on the fire.

Maybe I'm not the chosen one. If I was the chosen one, then I would have forseen all of this. But I didn't... Sadly, it seems I am just a man after all...

A Social Commentary On The "Good Game"

Since the dawn of time man has felt the need to have many forms of congratulations. Most of these congratulations have taken on a vocal manifestation (ie; good work, nicely done, congratulations etc.), but only a few have taken on a physical form. The high five and handshake are the two most common of the physical congratulatory manifestations. One of the most uncommon forms of physical congratulations is the double finger snap and gunpoint. This one was actually very common in the 70’s and 80’s, but quickly died out due to its unwieldy power. Many tried to use it, but all that did failed miserably. I do believe that its place in the timeline will come again, but it didn’t belong in that era and might not resurface for many centuries.

One such physical manifestation came to pass around 150 years ago that basically defined the early ½ of the 20th century. You all know what I’m talking about don’t you? That’s right! The pat on the bum of course! Little did the man who created it know that it would be the defining congratulatory method used by the most powerful men in the country! Presidents, CEO’s and coaches oh my! All the most powerful men in the world use this as a job well done. Sometimes it could be a hard slap due to the excitement of winning the World Series in Major League Baseball, or something as subtle as a soft pat for picking the winning horse at the races.

The pat on the bum, in the early ½ of the century was the most widely used form of the physical congratulations. It basically stopped the high five and handshaking all together as well as stopping all other forms of vocal congratulations. Many birthdays in the early century involved nothing more than saying “happy birthday” and then a slap on the butt!

Over the latter ½ of the century the pat on the bottom started losing interest, especially with the advent of the women’s movement and social rights groups popping up all over North America. The political ramifications of bum patting brought on worldwide conflict between the forces of man and woman. Men, who’ve been patting women on the bum for a job well done for years were forced to stop almost immediately or else they’d be faced with sexual harassment charges. Likewise, women who partook in the bum patting had to stop as well. Now… Most men wouldn’t mind this, but there were some that were too hoity toity let it pass and joined in on the political movement with the women. No longer was it acceptable to pat anyone’s bum for a job well done… Many rejoiced, but even more died a little inside…

Years passed, and no bums were touched, or very few at that. But there were certain groups of people who kept bum slapping alive. Groups like the NFL and MLB who kept it in the public eye, but had it kept at a minimum. Still, it has been a fairly silent activity amongst only the closest of friends and only was done behind closed doors. Like many things great, it was deemed as taboo.

However, in the past few years there have been uprisings of those individuals who strive to bring bum slapping back. Yes, Back with a vengeance! Pun intended! No longer just a pat on the bottom like its predecessor… It now is a symbol. It is a symbol of greatness. Now called the “Good Game”, people around the world rejoice once again at the advent of this old, yet new congratulatory manifestation. No, it may not be socially acceptable amongst men and women in the office, yet anyway. No, it will never truly come back to the point of its highest pinnacle as it was in the days of old. But the “Good Game” extremists from around the world will strive to bring it to new heights in this, the 21st century! I for one will do my part in slapping ass’s whenever the opportunity arises if to say nothing more than “Hey man, good to see ya!” I will stare the man and his political correctness in the face and say “step off”. I will be the foremost bringer of “good games” to this society as I will not bow to conformity! And I, along with my legions and legions of “Good Gamers” will spread the word and once again share this great congratulatory manifestation with the world!

Perhaps one day I will see a politically correct free world in which men and women alike can once again share a friendly pat on the bum.