Doctors orders you know!

Ah yes. Once again the time is upon us to flip from one calendar year to the next in joyous celebration. In preparation for the New Year Festivus much food, and more importantly boozes, will need to be consumed until the clock strikes 12 bells. Mind you, much food and more importantly boozes, are usually consumed after the ringing of these 12 bells. I mean a New Years Festivus without boozes and food would be rediculous!

With the turning of the new year, many things accompany it. Obviously, the need to purchase a new calendar, new hopes and dreams, and more paid sick time come to mind. But one very important thing is missing from that list, and ONLY one other thing. What could it be? It be the new years resolution of course! At the turning point of each new year, billions upon billions of people promise themselves to turn over a new leaf and make changes to their lives in hopes of making it better. And even though the billions upon billions of people who make these resolutions every year know that after 2 weeks of trials, their plights will end in failure, they make them anyways. Its a standard process really. Make a choice, do it for 2 weeks, hate the work that needs to be done, and then just quit. It's a fact that is known around the world. I mean even people who don't recognize normal time follow the protocols of resolutions. It's normal practice for these people. They just call it "bettering ones self". (Condescending enough for you all? It means to talk down to someone...)

What are my resolutions you ask? Well my friends. I have none. Why you ask? Clearly, everyone who knows me would agree that I'm a Greek adonis with flowing chestnut locks and need not endeavor to greater my already flawless existance in this universe... But I digress...

Now your all wondering how all of this ties into the title, "Doctor's orders you know!" Well. To be honest, I really can't remember! HAHA! I sat down and started writing this all with the intention to bridge the gap between a new years resolution and my doctors orders. However, in doing so, I completely forgot the specific point I was going to make. Oh well, I guess I'll just go on with the story...

So from one previous post of mine, "A lesson in extreme gluttony part 2: Annihilation of a species & the 7 deadly sins " and the subsequent unwritten "A lesson in extreme gluttony part 1: Supermodel", you've probably all come to the conclusion I like to eat. I like to eat lots. And I especially like to eat lots when it's something that tastes great! What does this mean? Well, it means that I'm a little overweight. I'm by no means obese, but I could definitely shed more than a few pounds of my man chub. Take that as you will... But I digress.... Being a bit over weight, my real new years resolution is to lose some of the man chub.

Having a few extra pounds can sometimes pose physical health problems, although not extremely harmful, they can be... lets just say discomforting... I had the pleasure of contracting two of these "discomforting" ailments. However, I will only speak of one, as the other is quite.... embarrassing... The one I'll speak of is acid reflux disease. Its not really harmful if treated, but it can be if not. Either way, its not a nice thing to have. Now we're getting somewhere!

So yeah. Yadda yadda yadda I finally go to a doctor after I can't take it anymore. They do some tests and find that there's nothing really wrong with me, I just produce to much acid. I'm just lucky I didn't go to a shrink! Man that would have been a different outcome! BAAAAAAAZING!!! Righto, back on track... Well now they want me to change my diet and eating habits. Fine. The doctor then hands me a pamphlet with strict instructions in controlling this affliction. Things like what I can and cannot eat, exercises to do, basically how to help prevent more acid build up. Now this is where it gets interesting.

I'm going to preface the "interesting" part with a bit of information. As we have already established above, I like to eat. But for the past, oh I dunno, 5 odd years I've been joking about something. I've been joking about my pants. The reason I joke is that for the most part, the waistle area is usually a bit tight due to my over consumption of tastey treats. So for these 5 odd years I've been joking about me wearing "eatin' pants" when I partake in the enjoyment of food consumption with my comrads. Whether they are sweat pants or just larger waisted jeans, they are forever known as "eatin' pants".

Ok, now that we have that covered, here's the greatest part of my ailment. As per the informational pamphlet and my stomache doctor, I have strict orders to wear loose fitting pants! DAMN RIGHTS!!! By my doctors orders, I, B0rt (aka* Dr.K) have been instructed to CONSTANTLY wear eatin' pants! WOO HOO! So it doesn't matter what the dress code is at work, fancy restraunts, the space shuttle, or Kate Beckinsales bedroom, I have the go ahead to wear loose fittin' comfy sweat pants! Thats a pretty kick ass doctors order I do have to say!

So the moral of the story is, dreams do come true kids. Just reach for the stars and you can accomplish anything! Just like my endeavor for doctor prescribed eatin' pants :)