A Festivus For The Restivus!

Ah yes, its that time of year again. No not Christmas. Not Chanakuh, Kwanza or any other religiously affiliated holiday. I'm talking about Festivus of course! Festivus is the only non-denominational holiday that encompasses the true meaning of celebration. For me, it's a holiday that I believe can bring all the peoples of the world together in harmony. No religious battles, no disagreements (well maybe a few, its a holiday after all!). Just friends, family, food and a bit of quirkiness.

I guess for those of you who don't know what exactly Festivus is, I should explain a bit. Festivus is a fictitious holiday created by Frank Costanza from the hit TV series Seinfeld. It all started, again, when Kramer heard about this holiday created by Frank years previous and wanted to know about it. Below is the conversation held by Kramer and Frank.

Frank Costanza: Many Christmases ago, I went to buy a doll for my son. I reached for the last one they had, but so did another man. As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way.

Cosmo Kramer: What happened to the doll?

Frank Costanza: It was destroyed. But out of that a new holiday was born . . . a Festivus for the rest of us!

Cosmo Kramer: That must've been some kind of doll.

Frank Costanza: She was.

Festivus has 4 basic components to it. I'll outline each below in the order they occur:

• Festivus Pole - A plain aluminum pole is used as this traditions only decoration. Frank loves it because of its "very high strength to weight ratio." Unlike the Christmas tree, it has no tinsel as Frank finds it "distracting."
• Festivus Dinner - This is pretty much a standard meal that is supposed to be very filling comfort food that has no relation to other traditional holiday food. Things like meat loaf and pasta.
• The Airing of Grievances - At the dinner table whilst eating, each person lets everyone know about what has disapointed them for that year.
• The Feats of Strength - The head of the household or Festivus host chooses one person to test their strength against. Festivus isn't over until someone pins the host to the ground. Festivus law also states that the person chosen can choose to decline the challenge if they have something better to do.

There you have it folks, the origin and how to go about celebrating this fantastic holiday! Festivus is traditionally celebrated on December 23rd, but really can be celebrated anytime due to no specific time constraining rules.

I must tell you all about my first Festivus experience. It was four winters ago and My friend invited me to their family farm to celebrate it with them. Being a massive Seinfeld fan, I happily obliged.

Myself being in Regina and their farm in Assinaboia I had a bit of a drive ahead. I stopped in Moose Jaw to pick up my friend and her truckload full of crap (ie: Christmas presents, luggage, cat [who rode in a cage in the back haha!] etc). Its a good thing I actually drove a truck at the time or else there was no way all that stuff was getting out there.

We then made way to her family's farm. They all met me with warmth and kindess, as they should, it was Festivus afterall! At that moment I felt it necassary to give the head of the household a Festivus gift. I mean, I wasn't going to join their family for Festivus and come empty handed! So from out of my pocket I pulled a little box and handed to her father. He opened it to find a broken watch, dead battery, cracked ping-pong ball and dryer lint. He laughed at his great Festivus fortune. He then gave me a gift. Excited I opened it up and found a dead battery, 1/2 of a free hotel soap and a candy wrapper. It was the best Festivus gift ever!

In typical traditional farm style, the men relaxed in the living room and the women finished up our Festivus feast in the kitchen. A little while later we sat down to our Festivus meal which consisted of meatloaf, macaroni salad and corn. It was at that time that I felt it necassary to air my grievances to them. I complained that I had to drive 3 bloody hours just for some meat loaf that by the way was leaving something to be desired. I didn't want to offend them by saying too much, so I left it at that. Her father then challenged me to the feats of strength, but I took advantage of the rule to decline by doing something better. I declined by choosing to unload the truck of all the crap and thus, he had to wrestle his own son. We all stood around the Festivus pole in the basement and our Festivus celebration was complete.

I guess in conclusion I'd like to take this opportunity to send out a holiday greeting. Happy non-denominational wonderful holiday time of year! And moreover, Happy Festivus! I'd also like to take this opportunity to give you all a special Festivus gift. Its a gift that was good enough for George Costanza to give everyone, so its my gift to all of you! HAPPY FESTIVUS!!!